NLP for Coaches: What to Do About Infatuation, Obsession


“Oh, but I can’t go on without him… “

And you ask her if she really wants to move on.

Yes, I do!,” she replies.

Well, you have the first element in a successful intervention. They have to want to make the change in their lives.

If they don’t then lend them an ear if you like, that’s all you can do.

If they want to get over the obsession there are some NLP techniques that can help.

You will want to consult with your own inner wisdom on which techniques are used when. Each person is different, each practitioner is different. Before deciding on a course of action, take some silent time to see what intuition you may get.

The first thing to realize is that they are dealing with these feelings many times during the day. The feelings can be distracting to the work they are doing, or just to simply enjoying life.

The interesting part about it is that Feelings have a way of moving around the body and then leaving. Have them learn to watch the feeling as it travels through their body to where it dissipates.

This could start anywhere. For example, let’s say it starts in the stomach area, then after a few seconds, it moves to the chest, then after a little bit moves to the throat, into the head and then dissipates.

If it gets stuck, have them ask the feeling (really the unconscious mind) if there is anything to learn from the feeling so it can dissipate. The answer to the question about learnings will show up quickly, within seconds, if not as soon as you ask the question

It is amazing what your mere attention can do to a stubborn feeling that feels stuck.

Second, when they learn to deal with the feelings of having to be with that person, the following technique can be helpful:

Richard Bandler (one of the co-founders of NLP) recommends collecting unpleasant memories about the person in little mental movie snippets, and connecting them together to make a mini-movie. You then have them run this mini-movie over and over, going faster each time. This can replace the movie they have about the person being so wonderful.

Third, a bit of questioning could do wonders here. Here is a powerful method from Quantum Linguistics:

1. What would happen if you were to actually be with this person?

2. What would not happen if you were with this person

3. What would happen if you were to not be with this person, and you had unlimited possibilities?

4. What would not happen if you did not end up with this person, and you had unlimited possibilities?

It is amazing what happens with these seemingly simple questions.

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